just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
