So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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