She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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