Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
