just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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