well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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