I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Two words: blizzard sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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