It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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