I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
