yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
