eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
