I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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