Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
