rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
