Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
