I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
