Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
