when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize