What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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