This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
