a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
