my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
