I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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