it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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