just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
