Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
