I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
