i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
