Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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