absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
