walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I just went to clothing optional bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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