oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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