Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
