there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
