did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
