My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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