On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
