Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
