She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
