even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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