It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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