My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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