I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
