great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
