I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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