Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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