hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
