I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
In America we eat man semen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
