fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
