Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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