??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
