Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
