remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How's work?
Spinning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
