Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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