Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
