Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
