need another drink. this is the easiest way
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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