in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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