My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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