literally had 100 drinks last night.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
