the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
