super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Two words: nipple clamps
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