The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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