my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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