matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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