In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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